Of Critters and Creepies

They're baaaack...........the voles, that is. The little buggers are popping up everywhere now. Under my water feature, out in the front beds, you name it, you'll see them there. And apparently, some of them are newbies from litters - I saw one out the kitchen window the other afternoon scutttling out from under said water feature and parking itself on the lawn. I ran out stomping vigorously, hurling imprecations, and it just looked at me and said, "What...?". So that means I'll have to dismantle the fountain and evict the squatters, in addition to clearing up weeds and debris in all the beds, and then start sprinkling Shake Away madly around the landscape. Sigh.

And if that wasn't bad enough, we're now entering spider season. I grew up in a drafty, leaky old house and have suffered from severe arachnaphobia my whole life. As I've grown older, I've grown bolder and I can deal with small to moderate sized ones on my own (for the most part). But the thing I hate about spiders is that they're quiet and they're sneaky and they startle the bejesus out of me when they appear. One day last week, I opened the door to the shed to get a tool out. Two fortunate things occurred - I had my big old work boots on, and I looked before I entered. The sun was shining directly into the doorway, and I looked down and saw a funnel-type web on the floor beside the wheelbarrow. I shivered involuntarily, because I particularly detest those types of spiders, and as I did, one suddenly leaped out, planted all 8 legs down firmly and pretty much said, "You want a piece a dis? Hah?? Bring it on!" Well, I brought it on - right down on top of him and he went SPLAT. I was quite proud of myself, and so was my husband when I told him at dinner.

Spiders and I are sworn enemies, and I still do need occasional spousal help in besting them. One Christmas a few years ago, I was decorating my small tree in the conservatory when I saw one of those fat, furry black spiders that you see outdoors here, but that sometimes find their way into the house. I let out a shriek, my husband came running and we tried to find it. I thought that I had smacked it and smushed it, and we couldn't see it anywhere, so my husband went back to work and so did I. I reached into the ornament box, turned to face the tree - and there the little bugger was, sitting on top of the tree like an ornament. And if spiders had middle fingers, that one would have been upraised. Leaving nothing to chance, I called for my husband again, he came in and disposed of the monster. Speaking of ornaments, I have actually seen some spider Christmas ornaments for sale. Those people are sick........